France PM Claims That Iraq War Has Destroyed U.S. Image

French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin on Friday claimed that the war in Iraq had shattered America’s image abroad. Meanwhile, France’s image of a white flag has remained steady over the years according to international observers.

AT&T Files Lawsuit Against NASCAR

AT&T filed a lawsuit against NASCAR on Friday, alleging that NASCAR officials have not allowed the telecommunications giant to switch from a Cingular logo to an AT&T logo on Jeff Burton’s car because of NASCAR’s deal with Nextel, the sponsor of the Nextel Cup. NASCAR officials, trying to reach a settlement before the case goes to court, have reportedly offered AT&T the option of sponsoring all right turns during races on oval tracks.

Extremists Signing Up As School Bus Drivers

According to counterrorism officials, several suspected members of extremist groups have signed up as school bus drivers in the United States. An FBI spokesman was quick to point out that “parents and children have nothing to fear, except fear itself, and all those guys yelling death to America before shifting into third gear.”

Britney Spears Addicted To Sugar

Birtney Spears has reportedly developed a strong addition to sugar at the Promises treatment center. Said a source close to Spears,

She has been drinking tons of Coca-Cola – about two cases a day, or 24 Cokes in 24 hours. She often drinks one after the other. She is also constantly eating lollipops and other hard candy and when she eats food, it’s always something sweet, like danishes (pastries) or donuts or cake or cookies.

We might actually get to see a Britney Spears comeback tour as envisioned by the creators of ‘Family Guy’.

Brandon Rogers Booted From ‘American Idol’

In a surprising turn of events, Brandon Rogers became the first American Idol finalist to be voted off this week while most were expecting Sanjaya Malakar to be the first casualty of the show. Reports from Guantanamo Bay indicate that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has claimed responsibility for Rogers’ early exit.

Real Madrid To Sign Cristiano Ronaldo?

According to reports, Real Madrid will aggressively pursue Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo at the end of the season. The young winger is said to be very interested in playing for Real Madrid and especially keen on trying out the new grass surface at Santiago Bernabéu Stadium which will make diving much more comfortable.