Lohan Cancels Birthday Bash
Lindsay Lohan has canceled her 21st birthday party scheduled for July 2nd at the Pure nightclub in Las Vegas. According to her publicist, Lohan plans to quietly celebrate her birthday at home with a few close friends, by diving headfirst into a pool filled with cocaine.
Debris From Lohan’s Car Being Sold on eBay
Debris from the black Mercedes crashed by Lindsay Lohan over the weekend is being auctioned off on eBay. Unfortunately for would-be auctioneers, the debris from Lindsay Lohan’s smashed face on that fateful night ended up in a toilet bowl.
Britney Carried Out Of Hotel Covered In Vomit
Britney Spears reportedly spent Sunday night throwing up into a toilet bowl of the men’s washroom of Mondrian Hotel’s Sky Bar before being carried out covered in vomit by her bodyguard. If you’re counting, that’s another ringing endorsement for the Promises Treatment Center, following Lindsay Lohan’s debacle over the weekend.
On a side note, we’ve decided to stop referring to Spears as “pop star Britney Spears,” which we were using in previous Britney posts, to go with the more appropriate “train wreck Britney Spears” instead for future posts.
Lohan Loses Sponsor After Arrest
Svedka vodka has pulled out of sponsoring Lindsay Lohan’s 21st birthday party after the actress was arrested for driving under the influence this past weekend, after crashing her car. Fortunately for Lohan, Cocaine Energy Drink stepped in as a replacement after a usable amount of the drug was found at the scene of the crash.
Lohan To Film Sex Scene
Lindsay Lohan has agreed to shoot a sex scene for her upcoming movie I Know Who Killed Me, after being conviced by the film’s director that shooting the scene would prove to doubters that she’s a serious actress. Interestingly enough, the scene is expected to be shot with a hand-held camera in director Chris Siverston’s trailer, with no crew members allowed on set.
Lohan Wants To Be Taken Seriously
Actress Lindsay Lohan is tired of being known more for her wild party antics than her acting ability and wants to be taken seriously by Hollywood. “I want to get a nomination. I want to win an Oscar. I want to be known for more than, like, going out. For being ‘the party girl.’ I hate that, ” said Lohan before downing her third Black Russian and flashing her boobs to onlookers at the Coachella festival.
Lohan Desperate To Play Princess Diana In Movie
Actress Lindsay Lohan would love to play Princess Diana in a movie about the late royal’s life. In a desperate attempt to attract attention from would-be producers, the starlet has been imitating Diana’s former driver Henri Paul by drinking uncontrollably and crashing her car all over Hollywood.
