Knoxville Getting Divorced
Johnny Knoxville has filed for divorce from his wife of 12 years. In related news, Knoxville’s next Jackass stunt will have him heading into divorce proceedings without the use of a lawyer.
New Indiana Jones Photo Leaked
A photo showing Harrison Ford in full Indiana Jones gear has surfaced on the web confirming fears that the movie should definitely be called Indiana Jones and the Quest for Prune Juice.
Angelina Jolie, A Hypocrite?
While promoting the movie A Mighty Heart, about the importance of freedom of the press, Angelina Jolie tried to censor all of her interviews by having reporters sign a contract before speaking with her. This isn’t the first time that Jolie has acted in hypocritical manner. During her many shopping trips to Africa and Asia, she has touted the importance of all orphans finding nice homes and yet, has only purchased good looking exotic ones, leaving the uglier and American ones to fend for themselves.
Sean Connery Won’t Return for Indy IV
Sean Connery announced Thursday that he won’t be back for the next installment of the Indiana Jones franchise. While fans are sure to be upset by the decision, producers are breathing a sigh of relief as no amount of CGI would’ve been able to make Connery appear older than Harrison Ford in the movie.
Olsen Twins To Be Next Bond Girls?
Twins Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are in talks to be the next Bond Girls. In order to differentiate them from more notable Bond Girls like Ursula Andress, producers will have the twins show off their ability to disappear completely when turning sideways. Unfortunately, the Olsens have nixed the idea of showing audiences how they snort cocaine off toilet seat covers.
Stallone Pleads Guilty To Drug Charge
Actor Sylvester Stallone pleaded guilty Tuesday to charges of importing a banned human growth hormone into Australia. Stallone will be sentenced next week, but not before facing additional charges this week on the unrelated matter of importing “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot” into Australia.
Rowling Begs People Not To Spoil New Potter Book
Author J.K. Rowling is pleading with people who have have read the upcoming and final Harry Potter book not to reveal that Harry supposedly dies before waking up and realizing that it was all just a dream.
Lohan To Film Sex Scene
Lindsay Lohan has agreed to shoot a sex scene for her upcoming movie I Know Who Killed Me, after being conviced by the film’s director that shooting the scene would prove to doubters that she’s a serious actress. Interestingly enough, the scene is expected to be shot with a hand-held camera in director Chris Siverston’s trailer, with no crew members allowed on set.
Michael Moore Being Investigated By U.S. Treasury
The U.S. Treasury is looking into reports that in his latest “documentary”, Sicko, Michael Moore took ailing Ground Zero workers to Cuba for treatment, in violation of the U.S. trade embargo restricting travel to the island. Both fans and critics of the filmmaker have called the charges ludicrous since, knowing Moore, the “Ground Zero workers” being portrayed in the film were probably hired actors and “Cuba” looked an awful lot like the Dominican Republic.
Babel Making Moviegoers Sick
Japanese moviegoers have complained of headaches and nausia after watching the movie Babel, prompting the distributor of the movie to issue a warning to potential customers. In related news, Paramount Pictures has issued a nausea warning for the upcoming Transformers movie, after realizing that Michael Bay would be directing.
Family Guy To Pay Tribute To Star Wars
Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane plans to pay tribute to the Star Wars saga this fall, with a one hour Family Guy episode devoted to the science fiction classic. The episode is expected to feature 2 minutes of actual storylines related to Star Wars and 58 minutes of references that have nothing to do with the plot.
Mel Gibson Flips Out
Actor and director Mel Gibson reportedly became enraged last night on a college campus after an expert on Mayan culture accused him of portraying Mayans as bloodthirsty savages in his movie ‘Apocalypto.’ Gibson reportedly called the situation a ‘big misunderstanding’, adding that the movie was supposed to feature Jews instead but producers had difficulty rounding up enough of them in Mexico where the film was shot.
Organ Donors To Serve Less Jail Time
Lawmakers in South Carolina are considering legislation that would let prisoners donate organs or bone marrow in exchange for an earlier release from jail, because there’s nothing cooler than being able to say that your kidney was somehow involved in four robberies. In unrelated news, South Carolina lawmakers recently watched the movie ‘Desperate Measures’ but were forced to stop halfway through because of scratches on the DVD.
Sharon Stone And Basic Instinct 2 Clean Up At Razzies, Expected To Do Well At Oscars
Actress Sharon Stone and her film, “Basic Instinct 2″, swept the 27th annual Golden Raspberry Awards, or Razzies, on Saturday night. Stone and her film were victorious in four categories: worst film, worst actress, worst screenplay and worst prequel or sequel. Odds makers also expect Basic Instinct 2 to come away with the Academy Awards for Best Visual Effects and Best Makeup, in light of efforts put in by the movie crew in making Sharon Stone appear middle-aged.
