Joel Madden To Marry Nicole Richie?
Rocker Joel Madden has confirmed that he plans to marry his pregnant girlfriend Nicole Richie. Said Madden, “obviously, marriage is in our future. I don’t know when or where or how, but right now our priority is our family and is the baby. We are in love and are really happy.” Should the wedding materialize, it would surely mark the first time the groom has worn more makeup for the occasion than his bride.
Kanye West Defeats 50 Cent In Chart Battle
Kanye West has emerged the victor in the battle for sales supremacy against rival 50 Cent. West, whose album Graduation has sold one million copies since its release two weeks ago easily surpassed the monetary one’s 691 000 sales for Curtis. 50 Cent is expected to follow in the footsteps of fellow rappers Eminem and Jay-Z by retiring. And by retiring, we mean, putting out more music.
Britney Loses Custody Of Children
Reports indicate that Britney Spears has temporarily lost custody of her children to ex-husband Kevin Federline which means young Preston and Jayden James finally have someone with their own mental age to play with.
Christina Aguilera Pregnant
E! News reports that Christina Aguilera and husband Jordan Bratman are expecting their first child. According to friends, the unborn baby plans to imitate his mother by not wearing any clothes for the foreseeable future.
Van Halen Tries The Tour Thing, Again
After scrapping a planned 2007 tour earlier this year, Van Halen is reportedly planning a U.S. tour that should start in September, with Wolfgang Van Halen replacing Michael Anthony and with David Lee Roth on vocals. All bets are off if Eddie Van Halen drives by a bar between now and then.
Kiss To Release Second Kissology DVD Series
Rock band Kiss has announced that the second volume in the Kiss: Kissology DVD box set will be released on August 14, to coincide with the launch of the Kiss mouthwash, the Kiss radiator and the Kiss colonoscopy kit.
Boy-Band Mogul Indicted On 5 Counts
Boy-band mogul Lou Pearlman, famous for managing the early careers of ‘N Sync and the Backstreet Boys, was indicted on charges of bank as well as mail and wire fraud. Unfortunately, Pearlman has yet to be indicted on charges of unleashing ‘N Sync and the Backstreet Boys on an unsuspecting public.
Spice Girls Reunite For World Tour
The Spice Girls officially announced on Thursday that they were reuniting for a tour and releasing a greatest hits album. While the tour is expected to be sponsored by Old Spice, no decision has been made regarding Mel B changing her stage moniker to Saggy Spice.
Larry King Calls Ringo Starr “George” On Live TV
Talk show host Larry King accidentally called Ringo Starr “George” on live TV when asking a question about the death of John Lennon during last night’s interview with the surviving Beatles, Yoko Ono and Olivia Harrison. Unfortunately for CNN execs, that mistake paled in comparison to King later handing over $12 to Yoko Ono, mistakenly figuring that she was in the studio to deliver his order of General Tso’s chicken.
Led Zeppelin To Reunite
The members of Led Zeppelin plan to reunite for a tribute concert in memory of Atlantic Records founder Ahmet Ertegun. According to reports, if all goes well, the green light will be given for a world tour with Jason Bonham replacing his late father on drums and red snapper insertion.
Hillary Selects Celine Dion Tune As Her Campaign Song
Following a month-long web contest, the Hillary Clinton camp has selected Celine Dion’s hit “You & I” as the campaign’s official song, thereby ensuring that no man will ever vote for Hillary.
Ringo Starr To Offer His Songs Online
Ex-Beatle Ringo Starr has decided to release his Capitol/EMI catalog online as well as a greatest hits album. Not surprisingly, Ringo’s greatest hits album contains 74 minutes of silence. In related news, Apple plans to roll out an extraordinary iTunes update that would make the software capable of tracking negative mp3 sales.
Mel C Not Opposed To Spice Girls Reunion
Mel C, otherwise known as Melanie Chisholm, otherwise known as who?, has reportedly changed her mind and plans to participate in a Spice Girls reunion, should one be organized soon as has been suggested. Chisholm had been opposed to the idea of a reunion, claiming that the “band” could never recreate the magic it had. Evidently, Mel C came to her senses after taking a look at her latest bank statement.
Madonna Writes Song For Live Earth
Madonna has written a song called “Hey You” for the Live Earth campaign and will perform it, presumably with fake British accent out in force, at London’s Live Earth concert in July. MSN plans to donate 25 cents, for each of the four people who’ll download the song on its website, to the Alliance for Climate Protection.
Nickelback Singer Gets Into Another Fight
Combustible Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger got into another fight over the weekend, after a man reportedly made fun of his band, proving that if you really need the money, Chad Kroeger will happily oblige, provided you call his band crap. Nobody would fault you and we’re pretty sure that any insult hurled at Nickelback could scientifically be proven to be a fact in a court of law.
Ashley Judd Receives College Degree
Actress Ashley Judd completed her college education recently and finally received a bachelor’s degree in French, more than 15 years after leaving the Univeristy of Kentucky to pursure acting opportunities. In related news, Wynonna Judd also received a degree recently, this time from the Shades of Hope rehab facility, for overcoming her food addiction.
Avril Lavigne Wrote Songs While Drunk
Singer Avril Lavigne admitted in a recent interview that she was drunk when she wrote some songs that appear on her latest album. In related news, many music critics have admitted getting drunk in order to make it all the way through the pop star’s most recent album.
Spears Returns To Stage With Surprise Show
Pop star Britney Spears took the stage on Tuesday night for a surprise comeback show at the House of Blues in San Diego. Tickets for the show, which lasted 13 minutes and consisted of Spears lip-syncing through abbreviated versions of 8 songs, set audience members back an estimated $200. Sources close to the Spears camp claim the singer has already scheduled a show for next week in which she’s expected to actually open her mouth and utter more than 10 real words.
R. Kelly Writes Song For Virginia Tech Students
Singer R. Kelly has written a song about healing called Rise Up, in the wake of the Virginia Tech shootings two weeks ago. According to sources, the entertainer had originally planned to visit the university to support the students but changed his mind and wrote a song instead upon realizing that he would only be able to score adult poontang on the college campus.
