Hillary Selects Celine Dion Tune As Her Campaign Song
Following a month-long web contest, the Hillary Clinton camp has selected Celine Dion’s hit “You & I” as the campaign’s official song, thereby ensuring that no man will ever vote for Hillary.
Hillary Clinton’s Outfit Raises Eyebrows
Newly released photographs show presidential candidate Hillary Clinton sporting an outfit that could be described by some as “questionable”. In Clinton’s defense, the outfit was meant to highlight her education policy and featured a stop sign and flashing lights on the back.
Edwards’ Haircuts Cost $400 Each
Financial documents revealed on Tuesday that presidential candidate John Edwards received two haircuts that cost $400 a piece. Related documents also show that Hillary Clinton spends upwards of $5000 on her haircuts, with most of that cost covering insurance policies of specially trained snake handlers.
Hillary Clinton To Visit Rutgers
Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton plans to visit Rutgers University on Monday and meet with the women’s basketball team at the center of the Don Imus scandal, although insiders do caution that Clinton’s trip might be called off should polls show that Americans have stopped caring about the basketball team. Campaign workers were reportedly also heard commenting on the distinct possibility of Clinton meeting and defending Don Imus, should polls prove that Americans sympathize with him in the wake of his firing from CBS Radio.
Hillary Clinton Has No Opinion On Homosexuality
When asked on Thursday whether homosexuality was immoral, Senator Hillary Clinton reportedly answered that it was for “others to conclude.” Campaign aides were quick to point out that Clinton would form a real opinion as soon as polling data on the issue was analyzed.
Clinton Adopts Southern Drawl In Effort To Win Votes
In an effort to garner support from African American voters in Alabama, Hillary Clinton debuted what many are calling a fake southern accent. While the Clinton camp strongly denied the accusation, campaign aides were reportedly seen highlighting passages from the new book ‘Ebonics For Dummies’ and ironing a ‘Scarface’ t-shirt in preparation of Clinton’s scheduled trip to South Central L.A. next week.
