A-Rod Visits Swingers Club

It was reported on Monday that Alex Rodriguez, in addition to being a regular at strip clubs around New York, has been spotted in the past at Iniquity, a swingers club located in Dallas. A Yankees spokesman, trying to quell the media firestorm, stated that the third baseman had simply visited the club to work on his swing.

A-Rod Caught With Mystery Woman

Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez was photographed with a mystery woman in Toronto last night. According to reports, both Rodriguez and the woman we seen going up to the outfielder’s room in a Toronto hotel for the night, leading to speculation that A-Rod is cheating on longtime flame Derek Jeter.

Mark Prior Has Surgery

Following exploratory surgery on Tuesday, oft-injured Cubs pitcher Mark Prior was cleared to resume playing in 2 weeks. Just kidding, he’s out for the season. Again.

Prior To Have Surgery

Cubs pitcher Mark Prior is scheduled to have exploratory surgery today in an effort to discover bones or muscles in his body that he hasn’t injured yet.

Aaron Wants Nothing To Do With Bonds

Home run king Hank Aaron has decided not to speak to Barry Bonds or attend games in which the San Francisco slugger might break his longstanding record. Said Aaron, “it’s really not a big concern of mine. I don’t know why I should have to do anything. I might send him a telegram, and that would be the extent of it.”

Sources close to Aaron say that the hall of famer might reconsider his position and send a message to Bonds by way of a courier on a horse instead.

Hamm, Garciaparra Welcome Twins

Soccer star Mia Hamm and second baseman Nomar Garciaparra welcomed twin girls Wednesday, according to sources. Garciaparra was said to be overcome with emotion during the delivery and subsequently suffered a sprained wrist while cutting the second baby’s umbilical cord.

Affleck To Star In Red Sox DVD

Actor Ben Affleck has signed on to narrate a new Boston Red Sox DVD aimed at turning young children into die-hard fans. However, some fear that Affleck’s presence on the DVD might turn viewers into die-hard Yankee fans instead.

Topps Says Yes to $385.4M Takeover Bid

Card maker Topps has accepted a $385.4M takeover bid from a buyout group that includes former Disney CEO Michael Eisner. The price is expected to be revised if the inspection of Topps headquarters reveals that the building isn’t in mint condition.

New Red Sox Pitcher Accused Of Cheating During Debut

Boston Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka made his debut today by throwing two scoreless innings, during an exhibition game. Opponents are already claiming foul play as Matsuzaka was reportedly seen lubricating the ball with Tzatziki sauce before throwing his patented ‘Gyroball’.