NewsNuggets

Simple views on stupid news

Bono Becomes Knight Of The British Empire

U2 front man Bono became a knight of the British empire Thursday in a ceremony shrouded in controversy. Sources close to Bono claim that the singer showed up at the ceremony expecting nothing less than sainthood for his humanitarian work.

March 30, 2007 Posted by | Bono, Celebrities, Entertainment, Music, U2 | 1 Comment

Nicole Richie To Launch Perfume

‘Actress’ Nicole Richie plans to release a signature scent when shooting wraps on her reality TV show ‘The Simple Life’. Insiders claim that the perfume will be modeled after the odor of a night club bathroom stall with a touch of vomit thrown in for good measure.

March 30, 2007 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Nicole Richie | Leave a comment

John Travolta Loosing His Hair?

travoltamankiss.jpgAccording to reports, actor John Travolta has often been seen wearing a black bandanna during the last few weeks, prompting speculation that he might be loosing his hair. Fortunately for Travolta, his beard has been able to withstand the grueling effects of the Hollywood press… or not.

March 29, 2007 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, John Travolta | 2 Comments

Oasis Star Wants To Be Prime Minister

During a recent interview, Noel Gallagher of Oasis announced that he wants to be the next British Prime Minister. The eccentric rock star has even promised to bring back hanging if elected. Political rivals are already calling Gallagher’s proposition ‘unimaginative’ with some attributing the original idea to the late Michael Hutchence.

March 29, 2007 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Music, Noel Gallagher, Oasis | Leave a comment

Michael Jackson To Build Giant Robot In Vegas

Pop star Michael Jackson is in talks to build a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert. Engineers are said to have drawn up plans for a mobile security perimeter around the robot to protect onlookers should the robot’s nose accidentally fall off. According to reports, the only issue holding back the project at the present time is the monumental cost involved in supplying the robot with a large enough umbrella to shield it from the sun.

March 28, 2007 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Michael Jackson | Leave a comment

Hamm, Garciaparra Welcome Twins

Soccer star Mia Hamm and second baseman Nomar Garciaparra welcomed twin girls Wednesday, according to sources. Garciaparra was said to be overcome with emotion during the delivery and subsequently suffered a sprained wrist while cutting the second baby’s umbilical cord.

March 28, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Baseball, Los Angeles Dodgers, Mia Hamm, Nomar Garciaparra, Soccer, Sports | 1 Comment

Jeremy Piven Banned From Restaurants After Tipping With ‘Entourage’ DVD

Actor Jeremy has been banned from Nobu restaurants after tipping the waiter with an ‘Entourage DVD’. The irate waiter reportedly threw the DVD back at Piven. As the situation escalated, the actor tried to smooth things out by offering to hug it out with the waiter but was rebuffed.

March 27, 2007 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Entourage, Jeremy Piven | Leave a comment

Swedish Company To Build Floating Pyramids

Swedish based company Oceanic-Creations plans to build floating commercial and residential buildings around the world. In related news, The Pirate Bay has launched a massive pledge drive.

March 27, 2007 Posted by | News, Piracy, Technology | Leave a comment

Robert Horry Out Of Action Because Of ‘Old Age’

San Antonio Spurs forward Robert Horry was listed as DNP (did not play) because of ‘old age’ by the official scorer of Monday’s game. In related news, Doug Christie has been permanently listed by his wife as DNP: Whipped.

EDIT: Unfortunately,  the box score listing Horry as DNP: Old Age has been changed to DNP: Injury. It was fun while it lasted.

March 27, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Robert Horry, San Antonio Spurs, Sports | Leave a comment

Serbian Town To Erect Statue Of Samatha Fox

The Serbian town of Cacak plans to erect a lifesize statue of ’80s sex symbol Samantha Fox after she agreed to sing at a pop festival. The new structure is expected to replace a statue of Corey Haim erected after the former teen idol took a leak at the local McDonald’s three years ago.

March 24, 2007 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Samantha Fox | 2 Comments

Gitmo Lawyers Fearful Of Repercussions

Military defense lawyers at the Guantanamo Bay prison are afraid that their work on behalf of terrorism suspects might have serious repercussions on their careers. In related news, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was scheduled to officially shoot down those rumors but had to be called back to his office for last minute paper shredding sessions.

March 24, 2007 Posted by | Alberto Gonzales, News, Politics | Leave a comment

Mel Gibson Flips Out

Actor and director Mel Gibson reportedly became enraged last night on a college campus after an expert on Mayan culture accused him of portraying Mayans as bloodthirsty savages in his movie ‘Apocalypto.’ Gibson reportedly called the situation a ‘big misunderstanding’, adding that the movie was supposed to feature Jews instead but producers had difficulty rounding up enough of them in Mexico where the film was shot.

March 23, 2007 Posted by | Apocalypto, Celebrities, Entertainment, Mel Gibson | Leave a comment

Nicole Richie Diagnosed With Blood Disorder

Nicole Richie has been diagnosed with the blood disorder hypoglycaemia, a condition that makes her blood sugar levels too low at times to provide an adequate amount of energy for her body. In an effort to counteract the effects of the disorder, Richie is said to have doubled her cocaine and speed intake.

March 23, 2007 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Nicole Richie | Leave a comment

Pacman Jones To Be Suspended For Entire Season?

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is reportedly considering suspending troubled Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones for the entire 2007 season. As part of the suspension, Jones would not be allowed near the Titans’ training facilities and would be shadowed at all times by four ghostlike creatures.

March 22, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Football, Pacman Jones, Sports, Tennessee Titans | Leave a comment

Grizzlies No Longer On Endangered Species List

Yellowstone National Park grizzly bears have been removed from the endangered species list by the federal government. Unfortunately, their cousins in Memphis remain endangered and will require a lot of outside help to make the playoffs in the coming years.

March 22, 2007 Posted by | Basketball, Memphis Grizzlies, Sports | Leave a comment

UN Chief Shaken By Blast

UN chief Ban Ki-moon was left visibly shaken following an explosion near the building where he was giving a news conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki in Baghdad. Sources close to the UN chief claim that he wasn’t frightened by the blast itself but rather by the fact that UN officials actually went near a live combat zone.

March 22, 2007 Posted by | Iraq, News, Terrorism, UN | Leave a comment

Jolie Puts New Son In Photo Shoot

It was reported that Angelina Jolie and her newly adopted son Pax, a three-and-a-half-year-old Vietnamese orphan, posed for the Canadian edition of Hello! magazine, just two days after his adoption process had been finalized. Sources present during the shoot claim that Pax was very cooperative and got along fine with Jolie’s other fashion accessories.

March 21, 2007 Posted by | Angelina Jolie, Celebrities, Entertainment | Leave a comment

Disgraced Astronaut Gets New Job With Navy

Lisa Nowak, the astronaut fired by NASA after bring charged with trying to kidnap a romantic rival, has landed a new job. Nowak will reportedly develop flight lesson plans as part of her new military assignment with the Navy. There’s no word yet on whether the use of adult diapers will be included in the curriculum .

March 21, 2007 Posted by | Lisa Nowak, NASA, News | Leave a comment

Britney Spears To Be Released From Rehab

Reports indicate that Britney Spears will be leaving rehab this week. Sources close Spears claim that the star has completely turned her life around. In other words, she’s expected back at the Promises treatment center next week.

March 21, 2007 Posted by | Britney Spears, Celebrities, Entertainment | Leave a comment

Keanu Reeves Hits Photographer With Car

Actor Keanu Reeves allegedly grazed a celebrity photographer standing in the path of his Porsche on Monday. While details are still sketchy, witnesses claim that Reeves was traveling upwards of 50 MPH and refused to slow down after spotting the photographer.

March 21, 2007 Posted by | Celebrities, Entertainment, Keanu Reeves | Leave a comment