In a devastating turn of events, President Bush gave Attorney General Alberto Gonzales the kiss of death, otherwise known as a strong vote of confidence. If the past is any indication, Gonzales is expected to join Brownie and Rummy at the unemployment office any day now.
Military defense lawyers at the Guantanamo Bay prison are afraid that their work on behalf of terrorism suspects might have serious repercussions on their careers. In related news, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was scheduled to officially shoot down those rumors but had to be called back to his office for last minute paper shredding sessions.
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales acknowledged Friday the FBI broke the law to secretly extract personal information about Americans. Gonzales apologized and vowed to prevent further illegal intrusions. We here at NewsNuggets would also like to apologize for holding up three banks and killing twelve puppies. We vow to prevent further errors in judgment on our part, kthxbye.