NewsNuggets

Simple views on stupid news

Sopranos Whack NBA Finals

Game 2 of the NBA finals pitting the San Antonio Spurs against the Cleveland LeBron Jameses drew a 6.9 overnight rating, down 24 percent from last year’s Game 2, with the drop being blamed partly on the series finale of ‘The Sopranos‘. A league spokesman, trying to spin the situation, was quick to point out that unlike ‘The Sopranos’, the NBA game did feature an actual ending.

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June 11, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Cleveland Cavaliers, Entertainment, LeBron James, San Antonio Spurs, Sports, The Sopranos, TV | Leave a comment

Kobe Backs Off Trade Request

Kobe Bryant has withdrawn his request to be traded from the Lakers, after speaking with head coach Phil Jackson. Said Bryant, “anyone can change their mind, especially women in Colorado.”

June 1, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Sports | Leave a comment

Kobe Bryant Asks For A Trade

Kobe Bryant requested on Wednesday to be traded from the Los Angeles Lakers, after calling the team’s management a mess. Ironically, Bryant is responsible for the Lakers’ downfall after forcing management to trade Shaquille O’Neal. Lakers fans sure must feel like they’ve been raped by Kobe today. It wouldn’t be his first time, allegedly.

May 30, 2007 Posted by | Basketball, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Shaquille O'Neal | Leave a comment

Gators To Be Featured On Wheaties Box

Wheaties has released an official photograph of a special edition cereal box commemorating the 2007 NCAA champion Florida Gators men’s basketball team, although the box will only be available in two to three weeks following delays related to the packaging. According to a Wheaties spokesperson, the first box image reportedly frightened consumers and had to be altered. We here at NewsNuggets have obtained an exclusive shot of that first image:

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April 4, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Florida Gators, Joakim Noah, Sports | 1 Comment

Robert Horry Out Of Action Because Of ‘Old Age’

San Antonio Spurs forward Robert Horry was listed as DNP (did not play) because of ‘old age’ by the official scorer of Monday’s game. In related news, Doug Christie has been permanently listed by his wife as DNP: Whipped.

EDIT: Unfortunately,  the box score listing Horry as DNP: Old Age has been changed to DNP: Injury. It was fun while it lasted.

March 27, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Robert Horry, San Antonio Spurs, Sports | Leave a comment

Grizzlies No Longer On Endangered Species List

Yellowstone National Park grizzly bears have been removed from the endangered species list by the federal government. Unfortunately, their cousins in Memphis remain endangered and will require a lot of outside help to make the playoffs in the coming years.

March 22, 2007 Posted by | Basketball, Memphis Grizzlies, Sports | Leave a comment

Knicks Give GM Multiyear Extension

The New York Knicks have given GM Isiah Thomas a multiyear contract extension Monday, despite what some call extremely poor management on his part. “I believe we have clearly seen significant and evident progress,” said MSG chairman James Dolan, after watching his team go 29-34 so far this season. In related news, FEMA has dispatched crisis management and disaster relief teams to the New York metropolitan area.

March 12, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Isiah Thomas, New York Knicks, Sports | Leave a comment

Ron Artest Arrested

Sacramento Kings forward Ron Artest was arrested by Placer County Sheriff’s deputies this morning. Artest is being charged with domestic violence and using force to prevent a victim from reporting a crime. Golden State Warriors forward Stephen Jackson was also apprehended today by authorities, in response to the rule that whenever a crime occurs in California, there’s a fifty percent chance that Stephen Jackson is somehow involved.

March 5, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Ron Artest, Sacramento Kings, Sports | Leave a comment

Pippen In Talks To Join Lakers

Los Angeles Lakers coach Phil Jackson has reportedly talked to 41-year-old Scottie Pippen about making a comeback with the team. While many analysts question Pippen’s potential contribution to the the Lakers, we firmly believe that he would fit in wonderfully in LA, a place where any 40-year-old can convincingly pull off the part of a 20-year-old man.

March 5, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Los Angeles Lakers, Scottie Pippen, Sports | Leave a comment

McHale Named Best GM In Sports

Minnesota Timberwolves GM Kevin McHale has been named the best general manager in professional sports by Forbes. The prestigious publication, which used a complex formula to rank GMs in all four major sports, also lists Sixers general manager Billy King in third place. In related news, next month’s ‘Forbes Best Actor’ list is rumored to feature Keanu Reeves at the top, followed closely by Hulk Hogan and Shaquille O’Neal.

March 5, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Kevin McHale, Minnesota Timberwolves, Sports | Leave a comment

Video Review Helps Knicks Defeat Bucks

A last second video review helped the New York Knicks defeat the Milwaukee Bucks, on Friday night. General manager Isiah Thomas immediately traded the video reviewer, the video tape of the game, a first round pick in 2012, a third round pick in 2010 and 18 million dollars to the Detroit Pistons, for forward Chris Webber.

February 25, 2007 Posted by | Athletes, Basketball, Chris Webber, Isiah Thomas, New York Knicks, Sports | Leave a comment