Chestnut Defeats Kobayashi

American Joey Chestnut defeated 6-time champion Takeru Kobayashi to capture the Nathan’s Famous hot dog eating contest title. Chestnut downed 66 hot dogs compared to 63 for Kobayashi, setting a new world record in the process. Not surprisingly, the record is expected to be contested by Paris Hilton who reportedly downed 68 wieners at a party last night.

Benoit’s Wikipedia Editor Confesses

The person who posted information on Wikipedia relating to the death of Chris Benoit‘s wife hours before the bodies were discovered has come forward and admitted that the whole thing was just a freak coincidence. Another freak coincidence: 60 wrestlers dropping dead before the age of 65 since 1985.

Benoit Wikipedia Entry Revealed Wife’s Death Hours Before Police Discovery

Wrestler Chris Benoit’s Wikipedia entry was reportedly altered to include a mention of his wife’s death hours before police discovered the three bodies at his home. According to Wikipedia logs, the changes originated from Stamford Connecticut, home of World Wrestling Entertainment proving once and for all that everything in pro wrestling really is scripted.

Tiger Woods Becomes A Father

Golfer Tiger Woods and wife Elin welcomed their first child, a baby daughter named Sam Alexis Woods, early Monday morning. Shorty after the birth, Woods partook in the family tradition of cutting the umbilical cord and stapling a golf club to the baby’s hand.

Liddell In Rehab Before Big Loss?

In a recent interview, UFC fighter Vernon White alleges that Chuck Liddell had just come out of rehab for a substance abuse issue before his recent loss at the hands of Quentin Jackson. Liddell’s agent meanwhile has let it be known that his protege was mistakenly admitted to rehab thinking that it was a requirement for a career in Hollywood.

Sopranos Whack NBA Finals

Game 2 of the NBA finals pitting the San Antonio Spurs against the Cleveland LeBron Jameses drew a 6.9 overnight rating, down 24 percent from last year’s Game 2, with the drop being blamed partly on the series finale of ‘The Sopranos‘. A league spokesman, trying to spin the situation, was quick to point out that unlike ‘The Sopranos’, the NBA game did feature an actual ending.

A-Rod Visits Swingers Club

It was reported on Monday that Alex Rodriguez, in addition to being a regular at strip clubs around New York, has been spotted in the past at Iniquity, a swingers club located in Dallas. A Yankees spokesman, trying to quell the media firestorm, stated that the third baseman had simply visited the club to work on his swing.

Chestnut Sets New Hot Dog Eating Record

American Joey Chestnut set a new competitive eating record by scarfing down an astounding 59.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes, shattering the old mark of 54.25 held by Japan’s Takeru Kobayashi. Not to be outdone, Nicole Richie also set a new food related record over the weekend by throwing up three out of the four meals she ate.

Kobe Backs Off Trade Request

Kobe Bryant has withdrawn his request to be traded from the Lakers, after speaking with head coach Phil Jackson. Said Bryant, “anyone can change their mind, especially women in Colorado.”

Kobe Bryant Asks For A Trade

Kobe Bryant requested on Wednesday to be traded from the Los Angeles Lakers, after calling the team’s management a mess. Ironically, Bryant is responsible for the Lakers’ downfall after forcing management to trade Shaquille O’Neal. Lakers fans sure must feel like they’ve been raped by Kobe today. It wouldn’t be his first time, allegedly.

A-Rod Caught With Mystery Woman

Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez was photographed with a mystery woman in Toronto last night. According to reports, both Rodriguez and the woman we seen going up to the outfielder’s room in a Toronto hotel for the night, leading to speculation that A-Rod is cheating on longtime flame Derek Jeter.

Michael Vick: A Dogfighting Heavyweight

It was revealed on Sunday that Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is a heavyweight in the illegal sport of dogfighting. Unfortunately for Falcons fans, Vick is still a mediocre middleweight in the legal sport of professional football.

Another Cincinnati Bengals Player Arrested

Cincinnati Bengals linebacker A.J. Nicholson was arrested Friday on a domestic violence charge, which means that Bengals players are already hard at work, during mini-camp, practicing ways to wind up behind bars. This latest arrest signals a renewed commitment by the Bengals to surpass last season’s record 9 arrests and once again lead the league in the all-important collars per game category.

Mark Prior Has Surgery

Following exploratory surgery on Tuesday, oft-injured Cubs pitcher Mark Prior was cleared to resume playing in 2 weeks. Just kidding, he’s out for the season. Again.

Prior To Have Surgery

Cubs pitcher Mark Prior is scheduled to have exploratory surgery today in an effort to discover bones or muscles in his body that he hasn’t injured yet.

Aaron Wants Nothing To Do With Bonds

Home run king Hank Aaron has decided not to speak to Barry Bonds or attend games in which the San Francisco slugger might break his longstanding record. Said Aaron, “it’s really not a big concern of mine. I don’t know why I should have to do anything. I might send him a telegram, and that would be the extent of it.”

Sources close to Aaron say that the hall of famer might reconsider his position and send a message to Bonds by way of a courier on a horse instead.

Falcons Sign Harrington To Back Up Vick

The Atlanta Falcons announced on Monday that quarterback Joey Harrington has signed a contract with the team and will serve as Michael Vick’s backup. According to analysts, the move makes sense for Atlanta since Harrington is familiar with the system used by Vick and the Falcons, namely missing wide open receivers and throwing costly interceptions.

Gators To Be Featured On Wheaties Box

Wheaties has released an official photograph of a special edition cereal box commemorating the 2007 NCAA champion Florida Gators men’s basketball team, although the box will only be available in two to three weeks following delays related to the packaging. According to a Wheaties spokesperson, the first box image reportedly frightened consumers and had to be altered. We here at NewsNuggets have obtained an exclusive shot of that first image:

 

Hamm, Garciaparra Welcome Twins

Soccer star Mia Hamm and second baseman Nomar Garciaparra welcomed twin girls Wednesday, according to sources. Garciaparra was said to be overcome with emotion during the delivery and subsequently suffered a sprained wrist while cutting the second baby’s umbilical cord.

Robert Horry Out Of Action Because Of ‘Old Age’

San Antonio Spurs forward Robert Horry was listed as DNP (did not play) because of ‘old age’ by the official scorer of Monday’s game. In related news, Doug Christie has been permanently listed by his wife as DNP: Whipped.

EDIT: Unfortunately,  the box score listing Horry as DNP: Old Age has been changed to DNP: Injury. It was fun while it lasted.